I know its been awhile since I posted, but there's not alot to tell, I'm not sure if anyone even still reads this. I am finished all primary treatment now, everything went as well as it could I guess, there is no great climax at the end of it all. None of the doctors really say anything, they just ask how you are feeling. No one says "yeah its all gone, you're going to be fine", its just a wait and see game. Keep your fingers crossed and hope it doesn't come back. Thats all I can do.
So the new normal begins. Always looking over my shoulder wondering....... paranoid, feeling my chest, under my arms, and around my neck and collarbone all the time looking for the tinest little bump. I have actually found a few, but have been assured that they are not cancerous lumps I am feeling. Everytime my back hurts, or my knee, or anything for that matter, my mind immediately thinks the cancer has metastised. I am told that this paranoia will eventually get better, it will never go away, but apparently does subside. The new normal.
The whole experience has made my life better though, I eat better....much better, not that we ate bad before, we actually ate pretty healthy, but now we eat super-healthy. I've lost 30 lbs and feel great. And overall I think I'm happier, because I try very hard to enjoy every moment and make the best of everyday. I will take any little excuse at all to have a celebration with my kids, we decorated for St. Patricks day and had a little party, just so they could have some fun. My kids have been the most important thing in my life, since they came into this world, now, they are even more important to me, and I think I love them and enjoy them more now, because I know now that life can change in the blink of an eye and we all need to make the most of everyday, you never now whats waiting around the corner.
